Bad Housekeeping for the New Year

With Commodore Westmoreland being away over the other side of the world and the summer season upon us, numerous staff at WestAir have buggered off. The folks at Civil Aviation have got wind of this and promptly grounded the rest of us stayers pending further investigation. Just how many people do they think it takes to run a fictitious airline anyway?
Anyhoo, I’ve had to occupy myself in the interim.
Looking around, it seemed obvious to me that the new stream of consciousness should be about killing off the notion of the domestic goddess. Bad Housekeeping is the answer.

BH_1Okay, too many of you are starting to do housework. Stop that! Immediately!
Read this instead:

BH_2BH_3The CommoDoor Plus was first installed on the Amsterdam-Newcastle ferry by the good Commodore Westmoreland himself in late 2014. He declared it a roaring success as they still haven’t been able to get into his Stateroom to survey the damage he left in his wake.

BH_4BH_5Okay, so we’ve got people lamenting the lack of fingerprint technology back in the day…
“When the kids were little (short but hungry), I installed a bolt lock at the top of the pantry door.
Excellent temporary measure but obsolete once they’d grown as tall or taller than the hand that (sparingly) fed them.”

Those who are concerned about the environment…
“#3 is a very good idea, though the stuff needs to be bio-degradable!”

and some who have discerned more housekeeping required (bah!)…
“but who will take on the task of throwing the stuff in the bin let alone taking down to the bin I bin thinking”

Rest assured, the folks at Bad Housekeeping are onto it and our R&D team have returned from holidays with their thinking caps on backwards, ready to go.

We also had some funny and lovely feedback from WA…
“Anita, I don’t know if you are aware that where we live is Kojonup and near us is Wahkinup, Muradup, Porongorup, Nannup, Boyup, Manjimup, Jingalup, to name only a few of the 100s- there are jokes about Knockerrup, Wakeitup,Stuckup, Shutthefuckup, Fedup, Gearup and so on….. so your current BadHousekeeping by lines are extra funny.”

and a good suggestion…
“rose tinted goggles with a ‘selective vision’ option.”

In the meantime we’ll sustain you with this: Bad Housekeeping Hint 6 – my personal favourite

BH_6BH_7see how long various items are expected to take to degrade at the Marine Debris Timeline

If “those who must be obeyed” are not taking a liking to the notions expressed in Bad Housekeeping, then gird your loins and do the job properly (or standby for BH_10.)
If you’ve hated this series, there are only a couple to go so gird your loins and hover over Delete for a little longer.

BH_8You remember there were concerns & guilt about disposable everything? The R&D team, thinking caps on backwards, hope folks use biodegradable material, but there’s always the legendary goat as a last resort…
… yes, I know they don’t actually eat everything
and I looked up what rabbits can’t eat and it was all floral so there!… yes, I KNOW they can’t eat plastic. Sheesh.
It is worth noting that bunnies like to chew   so they in turn will break down our waste even if they don’t consume it. If you are the neighbour on the receiving end, you may like to read the section in the article (link provided above) titled “Can I discipline my rabbit not to chew?” however, you will then be left with a yard full of disposables. You may like to post your own article “Can I discipline my neighbour not to throw?”

BH_9BH_10Lord Hoot, so named by his good lady wife who no doubt had a few other unprintable names she could have called him, had suggested a moniker for himself which was voted down due to its propensity to take my usual guttersnipe tone downwards to the sewer. Had we used his own suggestion, Lord Graham of the Stool, he would be an underlord in a watery world. We have saved you from yourself, Graham.
Meanwhile I am flushed with gratitude to Graham for the idea of nuking it & Trish for naming Graham. G&T, our next coffee is on me – probably all down the front of me.

Concerning the Hoot’s Domestic ad that I tore from the Manly Daily this morning, it’s a tricky thing to research kilograms of bangy stuff online in this day and age so I made it up and you’ll have to suspend disbelief.

Hoots Domestic newsprint


2 thoughts on “Bad Housekeeping for the New Year

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